"This heart within me I can feel, and I judge that it exists. This world I can touch, and I likewise judge that it exists. There ends all my knowledge, and the rest is construction. For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it, it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers." - Albert Camus
Friendos
Webrings
Who?
hello! ^-^
i'm robynne, an audhd, demiromantic, gray-ace, post-civ, anarchic, nihilist, femby critter of some kind currently in my fourth decade of so-called existence. my pronouns are she/its if you must refer to me. any other questions you have about who i am might be answered here. if not, you're asking the wrong questions!
Entries
Why?
this is my first year journaling with any amount of consistency. while looking back at entries in a notebook from earlier this year i had the idea to - once it was filled out - anonymize it and leave it somewhere to be found, hopefully by a more curious type. (but more likely tossed in a bin where it belongs.) and it's cool to think that there's someone out there who knows me on a deeper level than most, but also has no idea who i am. i don't think i'm especially interesting, but i think everyone's story is interesting in it's own way.
this is a version of that, i guess. and also a pet project of mine. i've always wanted to have my own website. re-learning html and css has been a lot of fun, too.
Critterness
i'm almost seven years deep into my gender journey and the closest i can come to identifying as anything is: critter. it's vague but brings to mind a variety of small, cute animals. animals that tend to be viewed as pests by most people. pigeons shit on everything, squirrels get into attics and vehicles, raccoons raid trash cans, skunks always smell like weed. but they're just cute little things trying to exist in a hostile environment and i can relate to that. civilization has been beating my ass, too.
the vagueness of it represents my relationship to gender as a concept. i don't understand gender and i don't experience it. i can listen to any of my trans kin explain their gender and what it means to them, and it'll make sense to me. i get it, but since i'm not capable of experiencing the same feelings i don't get it get it.
critter makes sense to me, though, in a way nothing else does. i want to be a cute little thing. i want to take care of folks and cook them yummy food and be a shoulder to cry on and a source of laughter. but i live in a world that tries to prevent that so i spend most of my time being angry and feral and paranoid and in conflict with society instead.